I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
