K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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