I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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