I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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