I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
