I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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