That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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