A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
