I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
