I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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