Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
