you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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