if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
