Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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