I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
