are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
