what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
