I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
