Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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