she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
