and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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