my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't deserve a penis
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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