Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Still dying that you shit outside
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
