I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
