WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
