he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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