Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
