My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
