She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
