is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
