mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
