capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
