I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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