i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
