overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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