how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
