ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
