i will never coherently bang her
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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