school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
