smell my finger.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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