You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
