Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
