he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Vodka?
Forever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
