This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
