theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
