I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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