Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
