We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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