I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
