I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
